Today is both Chinese New Year and Saint Valentine’s day. And I want to wish all my readers a happy year 2010 (or 4707 or whatever number it actually might be): you can still make some New Year resolutions and get a brand new start if that is what you need. The other occasion: Saint Valentine’s day is a more complicated topic. Because there are as many happy lovers celebrating the day as there are single people not celebrating it or even hating this particular day, one friend of mine even calls this day – A day of mourning and hope. Well, well… I think theoretically it is a nice tradition but the true meaning of this day is drowned in pink and red plush hearts. Love is not pink and not simple – it has many different shapes and phases and is very different for different people. For me love is somewhat of a warm unexpected surprise: suddenly you can meet someone who makes your heart beat faster and your palms sweat, you start smiling like an idiot as soon as you see that person, you feel like flying and jumping and your brain is… well, not really functioning. I really hope that all of you have experienced or will experience BIG LOVE in your very own and special way!

And here are some nice words from the Bible about what love is:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

And if I have prophetic powers,
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,
but have not love,
I am nothing.

If I give away all I have,
and if I deliver my body to be burned,
but have not love,
I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind;
love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude.

Love does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.

Love never ends

We all have sad thoughts and dark secrets and it is very difficult to talk about death and suicide, but we have to talk about it and try to notice how people around us feel and in that way maybe we could prevent them from taking their lives

Yesterday evening I read the tragic news about Alexander McQueen, the famous British fashion designer, committing suicide at the age of 39. Suicides are always horrible especially when young, talented people take their lives. What can happen in a successful person’s life for him not to see any other option than suicide? This topic is a very hard one because the highest suicide rates in the world are found in Eastern Europe – on top of this list is Lithuania. Lithuania of all the countries, my God! One can only ask why: are we born with depression and suicidal genes? Maybe… When I was little I accidentally overheard that my grandfather committed suicide: my mom found him hanging in a birch-tree just outside their little cottage. It must have been such a terrible shock for her… How do you handle such a horrible situation and how do you get rid of the creepy picture in your mind…? She chose to drink, a lot… I don’t really blame her. You should never criticize or blame a person until you walked a mile in that person’s shoes. Later, when I was a teenager my uncle hanged himself and also one friend of mine. So I really have seen suicide deaths and I don’t know why but I always get so angry when people choose to leave this world in such a way. Why? How can someone think that death is better than life and just give up: stop dreaming, stop fighting, stop breathing…

Hugs and kisses & long and happy life to all my readers

Well well, everything has a beginning and everything has an ending. And suddenly after half a year together there is no more cat in my life and flat. Some days ago my niece took the Man to the countryside where it will stay with my sister-in-law and her dog. But I cried the whole Sunday and I am still sad because I miss the damn cat. And I also get angry about the fact that I get so easily attached even (or mostly) to persons that are not worth it. This cat was completely crazy and definitely the most aggressive cat I have ever met and yet I loved him, very much… What is wrong with me? I really hope I will find out and maybe even will be able to change it. Bye for now, hugs and kisses

A couple of days ago I went to see a documentary about Tibet. And although the main idea of this film was hope I started thinking a lot about the terrible injustice of this world! And about the laws of karma when every action is supposed to have a consequence. And why is it that Lithuania and other Soviet countries finally got their freedom and Tibet is still occupied and suffering  brutal actions of Chinese Communist regime. And it is because of the economical interests and the fact that all the world is full of cheap Chinese products that the governments cynically ignore Tibet’s destiny. Money makes the world go round… This phrase is still true and always will be, I guess. The question is: how long can we be inactive and indifferent knowing what is going on? Because I always thought that with knowing comes a responsibility! Hugs and kisses to my readers and also lots of will and courage trying to make this world a better place

Winter continues and even though it is unbelievably cold there are so many beautiful things: bright sunshine, crispy white snow and some romantic things in the snowy nature. There is so much beauty around and it depends upon what you choose to see: many red frozen faces of people who are totally tired of this Siberian climate or a sweet duck couple resting on a frozen river:)  Lots of warm hugs and kisses

Col, cold, cold! I think this winter will never end… Every morning I hear the alarm-clock on my mobile and just cannot get up because it’s so dark and cold, so I play with the snooze function until I have to jump out of bed and rush like crazy in order not to come to work much too late. It is SO COLD in the morning when I go to work and I have to walk for half an hour. In almost -20 degrees I feel how the horrible cold reaches my brain and it takes several cups of coffee or tea at work until I feel warm again and can think with my deep-frozen head. Well, maybe I shouldn’t complain – everyone is freezing, temperature outside is the same for all of us. I just want to wish some warmth to everyone and since I cannot control the weather I wish you all inner warmth. Lots of extra warm hugs and kisses

What is inner happiness and tranquility and how to reach it? How to stay calm despite different circumstances in life? Is it possible? I am trying to figure it out but still I am very often affected by various happenings in my life. Just the other day I thought how childish (but inevitable) it is to suddenly get happy when someone you like smiles at you and, of course, the opposite – to be sad when you don’t get the needed attention or when you have a bad day and everything is falling out of your hands. The inner happiness… that is still a mystery to me but I am out there chasing it and will not give up until I have found it, what other choice do I have? Hugs and kisses to all my (hopefully) happy readers

One more old picture I made many years ago. Sometimes I think that people know too little about feelings (especially love), not more than fish do… It has always been terra incognita and blinded we go into this jungle of our own emotions that are mixed with our expectations that we create in our own mind because we love fantasies more than reality. Hugs and kisses to everyone who ever loved or at least imagined that they were in love

Sometimes I am still amazed by all the irony of this life (I think I’m even starting to understand the meaning of the word Endless). Yes, some irony makes life more interesting but it also pisses me off sometimes. For example one thing keeps on repeating my whole life: if I like some guy he most often doesn’t feel the same way about me and, of course, if some guy is after me I’m usually not interested in him. So when and where does this circle end? Will it end, can it end? Well, theoretically it should and I have actually decided that it will end this year. I have grown wise and no more do I wish to torture myself with stupid unanswered feelings and frustration, no more illusions and disillusions! From now on I am free and wild and happy! I love my life just the way it is and enjoy every day – full of unexpected things and challenges. I have never been afraid of challenges; quite the opposite – I love them coz they give me the adrenaline I need. And to all of you who have never dared to do anything crazy and are afraid of what other people will think and say – don’t be, it’s your life, live it the way you want to (not other people)! Hugs and kisses

This morning as I was walking home from one party I saw a homeless man standing in the street and checking garbage bins. It was 5 o’clock on a cold winter morning and I was suddenly struck by a thought of what a great life I have myself: a nice home, a good job and money, lots of great friends. Another thought was: can you possibly ever be even slightly happy living on the street? For some seconds maybe – when among all the garbage you find some food or clothes you can use but what about other needs? Out on the street there is no room for philosophical contemplations and questions such as: Am I happy? What is the meaning of life? etc. Just think how privileged we are who can philosophize sitting on a soft couch in a warm home. Another interesting question is how you end up being homeless and how many wrong decisions you have to make to end up on the street. With good help from bad luck and lousy destiny it might be not so hard after all, I guess… I actually wanted to ask that man about how his life had become such but it was a good thought only in theory, because in practice he was stinking too much for me to even want to come closer and his eyes were everything else but friendly. So I hurried my steps and disappeared leaving him in the cold darkness of this life realizing that there can never be any justice and that you should be really grateful for everything you have in your life, even the smallest things. Hugs and kisses